Its 2:03 AM in the morning and there is this sense of fear in my mind thinking about how my life would be in few months. Where will I end up? What will I do? What am I doing now? Why am I wasting my time writing this and not studying? And then there is this pause and then I can imagine my graduation degree in my hand with lots of memories. And thinking about that I feel like enjoying right now, not wasting a minute and collect as many memories as I can. But that’s not possible. Because that’s not practical. And I have to think practical as I am no more a kid now. That’s the rule number one which you have to follow when you enter in the world of adulthood. Its crazy how suddenly you have to think about your future and not about sugar candies anymore, even if you want to. I love sugar candies not just that I love everything that has sugar. It makes you fat, practically speaking but it makes you HAPPY!
It’s terrifying that after a point of time you have to take your own decisions and plan your life and you know what’s even scarier? That this was the life you always wanted when you were a kid. You wanted to be a grown up person and take your own decisions. But standing by your own is not an easy job. I am not even near that and when I try to plan things for my future I see myself sitting on the pot thinking that might help. But Shit! That doesn’t work anymore. Because now that you are on your own even the pot will not help you and all you can expect from it is to take your shit.
Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud and do stuff that I used to do when I was a carefree kid but then the very next moment someone or the other reminds me of my age and asks me to stop acting lame and stupid. But I don’t want to act normal. The kind of normal everybody behaves even if they don’t want to. As an adult you have to be mature. It fascinates you sometimes and it surely teaches you a lot of things but in the end of the day you want to sleep like a baby but now that you have left your childhood behind, you have to sleep with random confusing thoughts or just stay awake all night like me. I am not comparing myself with my parents or that age because I have no idea what they are thinking but what I know is they know what they are doing and what they will do for the rest of their lives. So, you know, this journey will never end. Like it or not.
WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD.
Why do we expect? Expect people to be nice with us, expect them to love us and make us feel special. Maybe because we treat them that ways. And as a human being that is pretty obvious that we expect to get what we give to others. And when something like this doesnot happen it breaks our heart.
We love someone assuming it to be unconditional and rational but both the terms cannot actually go together. Conditions are rational and Unconditional love is irrational. But talking about it we preassume that it is unconditional and no matter what you will love them even if you are not loved that much. This is not a one-sided love. We are talking about relationships. Any kind of relationship. We think its unconditional but as the time goes conditions and expectations start coming in between. Maybe you are quiet and ignorant about your feelings and think about just letting it go but somewhere inside your head this thought of not getting the affection you need from then starts bothering you but your ignorant attitude makes you the same person you never wanted to be and never promised to be. you stop showing your feelings. Feeling of love , feeling of joy and excitement and feeling of pain. You stop showing the love you always promised to give them without asking anything in return. It seems very easy to make things work out but actually they just keep on creating little muddles in your life that you want to throw away but you can’t. This continuous thought keeps on piling up and results in frustrations and rapid anger. You do not know how to make things right and how to show your feelings and tell them what all is happening where they are busy in their own world. Though you know they love you too but sometimes you need what you gave in return and you expect and follows you to dissatisfaction.
And talking about expectations and understanding and love in a relationship, it is not so easy to get all. Sometimes you just get it and sometimes you need to talk and tell what you feel. If you need a rational relationship where both are equal on every step then feelings should never be ignored. You yourself are the reason of your frustration. Just let it all go. And feel and listen to what your heart and brain says. Dont ignore any.
All the Best Lovelies. :*
Continue reading “Expect The Unexpected”
Is it the time or its me who is moving so fast. It’s already October 15. Well the one thing I feel happy about it is winter’s coming!
I don’t know why people think that winter is so dull and shady and sad. Ask me! I love winter! The feeling when sun kisses you and the cold breeze hit your hair. So fresh!
When the sweatshirts make you feel more cosy and the hugs are even more lovely that you want to stop hugging. When even the bed calls you “hey pretty, come here let me hug you!” When there is this natural blush on your cheeks all the time and you don’t need to wear makeup and lots of sunscreen and all the tanning goes away and you skin feels new. The skin that feels sick in summers when it’s filled with tacky oil that invites pimples and make you cry over everything. Yes! That’s sad! Really sad!
I don’t why this season has such a negative image. You wear a thick layer of clothes and still you don’t sweat and even if you do that is the only time when you like being sweaty! Sooooo goooodddd!!!! (just like KFC)
The natural pink colour of your lips makes you even more pretty! The loose pajamas and long sweats with furry slippers on at home is the best feeling ever! Isn’t it?
I am desperately waiting for winters so that I can feel the sun kissing me with the cold breeze hitting and then call me pretty whenever I go out! And not just this, the season is full of colours. The colours of perfection. White, black, Red! And who said it’s dull, it all depends on you how you see things and If you want to make your winters happy then who stopped you to wear colours. Brighten your winters with colours and happiness and don’t let the season change your thoughts about your liveliness in your life. And not to forget the best thing! Hot Chocolate and Coffee! God! The most amazing things humans made which can make you happy in every sad moment and more happy in every happy moment. And have you ever tried ice cream in winters? Of Course you have! It is the most exquisite feeling that one should always feel. So, welcome the season with a pair of cute pink and blue gloves with a matching pair of beanie and boots! Go Winters!
I want to start today’s post with one question. Do you all love your country? The country where you were born and where you live. Now asking the same question to particularly Indians, Do you love your country? Yes? No? Or maybe you don’t care to think about it? Now everybody must be thinking that how come I have become so patriotic. To be frank I am not. But when certain things happen around me I am forced to think about the place where I live. So today I attended this event ‘Olive 2015’ which is an inter-church cultural competition organised by the Church Committees of Delhi where students from different churches had to perform in different sub-events.
So the street play starts and the common topic given to 12 teams was ‘India-Our country.’ The first team comes and performs on India’s politics and crimes related to that and I felt like, yaa.. that’s so true. It is the real picture then another team comes and performs on something bad related to politics again and then all the performances were full of social issues related to feminism, molestation, child abuse etc. And I was like that’s it? Really? That is all India about?
Corruption, Child Abuse, Rape, Molestation , Poor Police security, unequal rights to women and men and what else? This is the picture you show when you are asked to present an act in front of everybody. All the negative aspects to show? I mean we know what wrong things are happening in our country but every city or country does. Who said USA is the safest place to live or they don’t do politics or they don’t rape people. OKAY. We understand that people need to change their thought process towards things that are pretty serious to handle but that doesn’t mean it’s all about that. India is still known for its love and respect for relations and the rich culture. The colors of India are still in everyone’s conversations around the world.The old studies by indians are still used in other countries. The monuments, the cities everything here is always talked about. It’s sad how people from our country see only the bad sites. Okay, I get it. You present these social issues to bring a change and make people aware of what all is happening in our country that we need to change but I guess the way of putting up an issue should now change. There are people who support justice.
One small example from one of the acts I can explain and make a point here is that in the middle of the act there was this point where the girl has been raped by some politician’s son and first people stood up against him but then they are offered money and they sat quiet as if they haven’t seen anything. But when taking this to the actual life what about all those rallies and dharnas people did against the rapists and molesters all over the world when one girl was raped to death? What about the people who were standing in front of the gates of supreme court with candles in their hands asking for justice for the girl whom they never met and never really knew as a person. And there were thousands of people. Why not consider their actions and appreciate them in the acts played while describing how India is.
All these things were good when people were not aware of their rights but now people are aware. Now the thing that should happen is that by using this platform of expression you should make people understand the working of the nation by taking such examples from history to bring change.
So you see, even our generation need to rethink what they are doing and need to change and move on from old versions of awareness on social issues. Let people know where they are lacking behind rather than showing them the same things again and again which results in no change of their thought process.
Why do we write? Why don’t we just tell everything to somebody rather than confining your views on a piece of paper or typing it starring on the laptop screen?
Don’t you think it would be better if you could talk to somebody and express and shout out loud about your emotions?
For me, NO! And for all those people who write. When you pen down your thoughts you feel secure. No one can harm you or cause you pain and with this you get to express your emotions in a peaceful manner. And by this security I don’t mean like somebody would try to kill or something but living in such a big world people try to judge you all the time on the way how you think and see things. So the things you don’t want anybody to know but still express it is by writing everything on a piece of paper and then just let it go.
Well you write blogs so that everybody can know how you feel and how you see things as you are passably confident about your thoughts and you don’t really give a damn about what people will think. With blogs you make people force themselves to think that what opinion you have and how you see the same things they see. So here you share your thoughts with the medium of writing.
But what about the writings that are a part of your secret folders or drafts in your blog account? What are they doing there? Well, they certainly have a reason that they are still hidden in your files and folders that nobody knows.
These are the thoughts that made you happy when someone complimented you and gave a smile when you were busy ignoring things around yourself. These piece of papers are the proof that someday you cried because you were trying to make someone understand how you feel but sadly you gave up on them. The moments when you were all alone at home starving with no food of your choice and your mother comes with a bag of donuts and pastries that took you to another world with closed eyes, feeling the taste of chocolate and raspberries while your mother was capturing your face that you didnt noticed at that time. And all those amazing , happy , sad , funny , lovely , adventurous and more, moments and memories that you wanted to keep always near your heart and so you penned them. Not because you want somebody to see but because when you read them again you can remember all those emotions and think about your life then and now.
For me writing is an escape from the real world to the world of memories. Happy or Sad.
Keep Writing! Keep Calm! 🙂
Sometimes you don’t realise that you are growing old or you don’t want to accept the fact that you actually are. Day by day, month by month and year by year you are growing old and try to face the fact that someday you will think about these days that how young and active you were at that time.
These thoughts usually come in my mind when I am alone but today in Beckett’s lecture (Waiting for godot) our professor was trying to connect with us to make us understand the characters of Estragon and Vladimir by giving us the names of very famous British actors which sadly and stupidly we had no clue about. So after watching the blank faces the professor suddenly expressed her feelings about this profession of “TEACHING” that how this profession always makes you feel more young while you are meeting new generations every year and interact with them on their level which makes you feel young and connected to the latest generation and their ideas but on the same time every year one batch graduates and that makes you feel that even you are growing older every year. And this made me smile thinking about how life and time goes hand in hand and how you have to ‘Deal With It’. Though our professor was showing us how sad she feels when she is not able to connect with us with the examples of our interest which makes her feel that she is growing old but actually that’s our fault of interests. We are distracted by so many things that the things that are important and useful are no more interesting for us which actually leads us to disappointment at some point of our lives. We regret our some choices and want to go back to the time and make them right but actually that cannot happen because that’s how Time works and that’s how Life goes on!
For Example, This is my final year and I am trying to attend all my lectures to achieve my goal but then after such lectures like today I regret why I couldn’t attend all my classes from the day One of the college. But now I cant do anything with that I just have to deal with it and try to make everything out of this year. Though I learned a lot in the past years too so there we can say that what happens happens for the good. So you see there are so many things that we learn about life everyday. We hear things about life ,that how it works. How we can control it and how there is no control over anything in our lives as everything happens for a reason and everything has a purpose to happen.
What I think about all these quotes about life is that all of these are an escape to the situations that we don’t want to accept. I mean if something bad happens its involuntary as you didn’t want that to happen, but nobody really thinks that it was a mistake that we made that was the reason of the happening. And when something good happens we take all the credit of controlling our lives in a correct manner. This is a sort of hypocrisy. As in denying sayings according to our situations and blaming the natural forces for why it happened. It is so hard to accept the facts of our lives like growing old and facing our mistakes and blaming the fate and destiny if its not according to what we planned.
So I think that I will try to face my mistakes and rather than blaming the ‘natural forces’, take all the blame on myself so that it could motivate myself for the second try. I know it is really easy to say or write in a blog but at least we can give it a try as we know Life goes on like the way it has always been.