Welcome To Adulthood!

Welcome To Adulthood!

Its 2:03 AM in the morning and there is this sense of fear in my mind thinking about how my life would be in few months. Where will I end up? What will I do? What am I doing now? Why am I wasting my time writing this and not studying? And then there is this pause and then I can imagine my graduation degree in my hand with lots of memories. And thinking about that I feel like enjoying right now, not wasting a minute and collect as many memories as I can. But that’s not possible. Because that’s not practical. And I have to think practical as I am no more a kid now. That’s the rule number one which you have to follow when you enter in the world of adulthood. Its crazy how suddenly you have to think about your future and not about sugar candies anymore, even if you want to. I love sugar candies not just that I love everything that has sugar. It makes you fat, practically speaking but it makes you HAPPY!

It’s terrifying that after a point of time you have to take your own decisions and plan your life and you know what’s even scarier? That this was the life you always wanted when you were a kid. You wanted to be a grown up person and take your own decisions. But standing by your own is not an easy job. I am not even near that and when I try to plan things for my future I see myself sitting on the pot thinking that might help. But Shit! That doesn’t work anymore. Because now that you are on your own even the pot will not help you and all you can expect from it is to take your shit.

Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud and do stuff that I used to do when I was a carefree kid but then the very next moment someone or the other reminds me of my age and asks me to stop acting lame and stupid. But I don’t want to act normal. The kind of normal everybody behaves even if they don’t want to. As an adult you have to be mature. It fascinates you sometimes and it surely teaches you a lot of things but in the end of the day you want to sleep like a baby but now that you have left your childhood behind, you have to sleep with random confusing thoughts or just stay awake all night like me. I am not comparing myself with my parents or that age because I have no idea what they are thinking but what I know is they know what they are doing and what they will do for the rest of their lives. So, you know, this journey will never end. Like it or not.




“Thoughts” Not To Be Shared.

There will be times when you feel caged and tied with a rope you can’t burn. You want to express your feelings but you can’t because those will be misunderstood everywhere.
It is sad to accept the fact that the people you think are there for you are actually interpreting you in some other manner. Whether they are your parents or your siblings or the ones you love more than yourself.
Something like this is happening with me.
I try to control my thoughts because I know nobody would understand what they actually mean. And it is very hard. I know you would be thinking what actually happened but this is not about that one instance. It is about my whole life. In which I was never actually understood. My materialistic demands were of course granted but the emotions were always misunderstood.
People ask me why I am so against the patriarchal nature of people around me? The reply to this is because I have always suffered because of this nature. There was a time when slogans like girls are equal well there is still such existence of slogans but I don’t think anybody actually care about those. At least my parents don’t.
They still think that girls are better inside the house and that is the only place for them to survive. Oh! Lemme tell you that I do study and live in a hostel but still I hear these things when I come home and when there is an argument over something where my thoughts are not matching theirs that what I listen : ‘were we wrong to send you away for studies? We should have kept you home so that your thought process would not work like it does now.’
I mean Why??? When you do send your girls out then when you are so insecure that they will bring shame to the name of your family which actually does not matter to anybody in the whole fucking world except a few people around you who don’t really respect you the way you expect. And because of these things you stop your girl to express her thoughts keeping in the mind the mentality other people have?????
YES! Things like these are still there in the world of 2015.
This is so annoying. You want to go out. But you can’t because it’s not safe for girls. And even if it’s safe it is a shame that a girl hangs around like boys.
Many of you must be thinking that these have gone away long ago. But no! They still exist. They still are there affecting the lives of people. I won’t say every home has such things but yes there are people who wants to control the lives of their baby girls who actually want to fly away and live their life according to themselves.
There will be many who cannot actually relate to this but there will be girls who would cry thinking about these things.
You keep your girl in pressure of something you want out of her, that you planned according to yourself for her life without asking if she is okay with it. That’s really sad.
Let her understand the meaning of life because God has already made a plan for her which is way stronger than yours.
I am not saying parents like these are bad or anything. They are right on their part. As for them they are planning a secure life for their baby girl but the baby girl is no more a baby. She wants to know the world which you are trying to hide and know the people you want to beware her. So that she is much mature to know that whom she should be with and whom she should not.
Stop misunderstanding the mental process rather change yours.

Corralled Hope

tumblr_mhd32uxtLc1qa2txho1_500 She was always kept in a cage 

Not to save her but to save themselves 

not because she roared , but because they thought the world will gash her 

and so they locked her 

locked her dreams, dreams that she always wanted to live 

and what all she dreams for?!

 to roam around the world

  she wanted to jaunt , 

sometimes alone, sometimes with the one she loves,

sometimes with her friends who tease her from the out of that cage standing free.

Nobody noticed.

they heard her cries but never listened

she was capable of everything but her wings were taken a long time ago

she thought, why she is the only one?

but  nobody answered.

 She tried not to dream, but the sleep of her tiring imprisoned life gave her this escape, then how could she not?!

They loved her, feed her, fulfilled all her stupid desires but still she was kept in that corral , 

where she could breathe but for others,

where she could love but with fear,

where she could smile to hide her tears .

such was the inexorable life of that girl,

standing in sunlight with darkness around her.

Wish she could fly in her own way, and this is the dream 

she is still waiting it to come true some day.