Its 2:03 AM in the morning and there is this sense of fear in my mind thinking about how my life would be in few months. Where will I end up? What will I do? What am I doing now? Why am I wasting my time writing this and not studying? And then there is this pause and then I can imagine my graduation degree in my hand with lots of memories. And thinking about that I feel like enjoying right now, not wasting a minute and collect as many memories as I can. But that’s not possible. Because that’s not practical. And I have to think practical as I am no more a kid now. That’s the rule number one which you have to follow when you enter in the world of adulthood. Its crazy how suddenly you have to think about your future and not about sugar candies anymore, even if you want to. I love sugar candies not just that I love everything that has sugar. It makes you fat, practically speaking but it makes you HAPPY!
It’s terrifying that after a point of time you have to take your own decisions and plan your life and you know what’s even scarier? That this was the life you always wanted when you were a kid. You wanted to be a grown up person and take your own decisions. But standing by your own is not an easy job. I am not even near that and when I try to plan things for my future I see myself sitting on the pot thinking that might help. But Shit! That doesn’t work anymore. Because now that you are on your own even the pot will not help you and all you can expect from it is to take your shit.
Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud and do stuff that I used to do when I was a carefree kid but then the very next moment someone or the other reminds me of my age and asks me to stop acting lame and stupid. But I don’t want to act normal. The kind of normal everybody behaves even if they don’t want to. As an adult you have to be mature. It fascinates you sometimes and it surely teaches you a lot of things but in the end of the day you want to sleep like a baby but now that you have left your childhood behind, you have to sleep with random confusing thoughts or just stay awake all night like me. I am not comparing myself with my parents or that age because I have no idea what they are thinking but what I know is they know what they are doing and what they will do for the rest of their lives. So, you know, this journey will never end. Like it or not.
WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD.
Is it the time or its me who is moving so fast. It’s already October 15. Well the one thing I feel happy about it is winter’s coming!
I don’t know why people think that winter is so dull and shady and sad. Ask me! I love winter! The feeling when sun kisses you and the cold breeze hit your hair. So fresh!
When the sweatshirts make you feel more cosy and the hugs are even more lovely that you want to stop hugging. When even the bed calls you “hey pretty, come here let me hug you!” When there is this natural blush on your cheeks all the time and you don’t need to wear makeup and lots of sunscreen and all the tanning goes away and you skin feels new. The skin that feels sick in summers when it’s filled with tacky oil that invites pimples and make you cry over everything. Yes! That’s sad! Really sad!
I don’t why this season has such a negative image. You wear a thick layer of clothes and still you don’t sweat and even if you do that is the only time when you like being sweaty! Sooooo goooodddd!!!! (just like KFC)
The natural pink colour of your lips makes you even more pretty! The loose pajamas and long sweats with furry slippers on at home is the best feeling ever! Isn’t it?
I am desperately waiting for winters so that I can feel the sun kissing me with the cold breeze hitting and then call me pretty whenever I go out! And not just this, the season is full of colours. The colours of perfection. White, black, Red! And who said it’s dull, it all depends on you how you see things and If you want to make your winters happy then who stopped you to wear colours. Brighten your winters with colours and happiness and don’t let the season change your thoughts about your liveliness in your life. And not to forget the best thing! Hot Chocolate and Coffee! God! The most amazing things humans made which can make you happy in every sad moment and more happy in every happy moment. And have you ever tried ice cream in winters? Of Course you have! It is the most exquisite feeling that one should always feel. So, welcome the season with a pair of cute pink and blue gloves with a matching pair of beanie and boots! Go Winters!
I want to start today’s post with one question. Do you all love your country? The country where you were born and where you live. Now asking the same question to particularly Indians, Do you love your country? Yes? No? Or maybe you don’t care to think about it? Now everybody must be thinking that how come I have become so patriotic. To be frank I am not. But when certain things happen around me I am forced to think about the place where I live. So today I attended this event ‘Olive 2015’ which is an inter-church cultural competition organised by the Church Committees of Delhi where students from different churches had to perform in different sub-events.
So the street play starts and the common topic given to 12 teams was ‘India-Our country.’ The first team comes and performs on India’s politics and crimes related to that and I felt like, yaa.. that’s so true. It is the real picture then another team comes and performs on something bad related to politics again and then all the performances were full of social issues related to feminism, molestation, child abuse etc. And I was like that’s it? Really? That is all India about?
Corruption, Child Abuse, Rape, Molestation , Poor Police security, unequal rights to women and men and what else? This is the picture you show when you are asked to present an act in front of everybody. All the negative aspects to show? I mean we know what wrong things are happening in our country but every city or country does. Who said USA is the safest place to live or they don’t do politics or they don’t rape people. OKAY. We understand that people need to change their thought process towards things that are pretty serious to handle but that doesn’t mean it’s all about that. India is still known for its love and respect for relations and the rich culture. The colors of India are still in everyone’s conversations around the world.The old studies by indians are still used in other countries. The monuments, the cities everything here is always talked about. It’s sad how people from our country see only the bad sites. Okay, I get it. You present these social issues to bring a change and make people aware of what all is happening in our country that we need to change but I guess the way of putting up an issue should now change. There are people who support justice.
One small example from one of the acts I can explain and make a point here is that in the middle of the act there was this point where the girl has been raped by some politician’s son and first people stood up against him but then they are offered money and they sat quiet as if they haven’t seen anything. But when taking this to the actual life what about all those rallies and dharnas people did against the rapists and molesters all over the world when one girl was raped to death? What about the people who were standing in front of the gates of supreme court with candles in their hands asking for justice for the girl whom they never met and never really knew as a person. And there were thousands of people. Why not consider their actions and appreciate them in the acts played while describing how India is.
All these things were good when people were not aware of their rights but now people are aware. Now the thing that should happen is that by using this platform of expression you should make people understand the working of the nation by taking such examples from history to bring change.
So you see, even our generation need to rethink what they are doing and need to change and move on from old versions of awareness on social issues. Let people know where they are lacking behind rather than showing them the same things again and again which results in no change of their thought process.
Sometimes you don’t realise that you are growing old or you don’t want to accept the fact that you actually are. Day by day, month by month and year by year you are growing old and try to face the fact that someday you will think about these days that how young and active you were at that time.
These thoughts usually come in my mind when I am alone but today in Beckett’s lecture (Waiting for godot) our professor was trying to connect with us to make us understand the characters of Estragon and Vladimir by giving us the names of very famous British actors which sadly and stupidly we had no clue about. So after watching the blank faces the professor suddenly expressed her feelings about this profession of “TEACHING” that how this profession always makes you feel more young while you are meeting new generations every year and interact with them on their level which makes you feel young and connected to the latest generation and their ideas but on the same time every year one batch graduates and that makes you feel that even you are growing older every year. And this made me smile thinking about how life and time goes hand in hand and how you have to ‘Deal With It’. Though our professor was showing us how sad she feels when she is not able to connect with us with the examples of our interest which makes her feel that she is growing old but actually that’s our fault of interests. We are distracted by so many things that the things that are important and useful are no more interesting for us which actually leads us to disappointment at some point of our lives. We regret our some choices and want to go back to the time and make them right but actually that cannot happen because that’s how Time works and that’s how Life goes on!
For Example, This is my final year and I am trying to attend all my lectures to achieve my goal but then after such lectures like today I regret why I couldn’t attend all my classes from the day One of the college. But now I cant do anything with that I just have to deal with it and try to make everything out of this year. Though I learned a lot in the past years too so there we can say that what happens happens for the good. So you see there are so many things that we learn about life everyday. We hear things about life ,that how it works. How we can control it and how there is no control over anything in our lives as everything happens for a reason and everything has a purpose to happen.
What I think about all these quotes about life is that all of these are an escape to the situations that we don’t want to accept. I mean if something bad happens its involuntary as you didn’t want that to happen, but nobody really thinks that it was a mistake that we made that was the reason of the happening. And when something good happens we take all the credit of controlling our lives in a correct manner. This is a sort of hypocrisy. As in denying sayings according to our situations and blaming the natural forces for why it happened. It is so hard to accept the facts of our lives like growing old and facing our mistakes and blaming the fate and destiny if its not according to what we planned.
So I think that I will try to face my mistakes and rather than blaming the ‘natural forces’, take all the blame on myself so that it could motivate myself for the second try. I know it is really easy to say or write in a blog but at least we can give it a try as we know Life goes on like the way it has always been.
There will be times when you feel caged and tied with a rope you can’t burn. You want to express your feelings but you can’t because those will be misunderstood everywhere.
It is sad to accept the fact that the people you think are there for you are actually interpreting you in some other manner. Whether they are your parents or your siblings or the ones you love more than yourself.
Something like this is happening with me.
I try to control my thoughts because I know nobody would understand what they actually mean. And it is very hard. I know you would be thinking what actually happened but this is not about that one instance. It is about my whole life. In which I was never actually understood. My materialistic demands were of course granted but the emotions were always misunderstood.
People ask me why I am so against the patriarchal nature of people around me? The reply to this is because I have always suffered because of this nature. There was a time when slogans like girls are equal well there is still such existence of slogans but I don’t think anybody actually care about those. At least my parents don’t.
They still think that girls are better inside the house and that is the only place for them to survive. Oh! Lemme tell you that I do study and live in a hostel but still I hear these things when I come home and when there is an argument over something where my thoughts are not matching theirs that what I listen : ‘were we wrong to send you away for studies? We should have kept you home so that your thought process would not work like it does now.’
I mean Why??? When you do send your girls out then when you are so insecure that they will bring shame to the name of your family which actually does not matter to anybody in the whole fucking world except a few people around you who don’t really respect you the way you expect. And because of these things you stop your girl to express her thoughts keeping in the mind the mentality other people have?????
YES! Things like these are still there in the world of 2015.
This is so annoying. You want to go out. But you can’t because it’s not safe for girls. And even if it’s safe it is a shame that a girl hangs around like boys.
Many of you must be thinking that these have gone away long ago. But no! They still exist. They still are there affecting the lives of people. I won’t say every home has such things but yes there are people who wants to control the lives of their baby girls who actually want to fly away and live their life according to themselves.
There will be many who cannot actually relate to this but there will be girls who would cry thinking about these things.
You keep your girl in pressure of something you want out of her, that you planned according to yourself for her life without asking if she is okay with it. That’s really sad.
Let her understand the meaning of life because God has already made a plan for her which is way stronger than yours.
I am not saying parents like these are bad or anything. They are right on their part. As for them they are planning a secure life for their baby girl but the baby girl is no more a baby. She wants to know the world which you are trying to hide and know the people you want to beware her. So that she is much mature to know that whom she should be with and whom she should not.
Stop misunderstanding the mental process rather change yours.
Okay. So this one is going to be a little deep.
We have all heard about the play Romeo and juliet which we think or used to think is a real incident that happened and then we swear the love of Romeo and Juliet that we will love just like them or we can say ‘live together die together’ unconditional love. But did actually something like this could have happened in the era where girls were not even supposed to let out of their houses with their nurses and guards? Well I must say Shakespeare was a man of great imagination and courage that he wrote a play which is still on the lips of several lovers as an ideal example of true love. He must have got a very strong inspiration for this.
And I understood this after watching this movie ‘Shakespeare in love’ (1998) that undoubtedly won 7 oscars and many other awards or this outrageous screenplay and direction. This movie shows how William Shakespeare lost his will to write and then how he finds his true lover who inspires him to write a play we still talk about. Its about Shakespeare’s own love story, in which nobody dies, neither their love diminishes but they could not be together. His lover gets married to somebody she does not like. When they both fall apart William Shakespeare thinks of giving up on poetry and drama but what keeps him writing is the inspiration of love he gets. And after that in his every play there is a scent of his lover whom he could not live with. This is a very short description of this movie. This is has lot more than this. Talking about its other themes it shows the patriarchal society where women were not allowed to act in theaters. But when the play ‘Romeo and Juliet’ is performed in the theater it is the woman (Shakespeare’s lover itself) who acts in front of everybody and gets appreciated. Everybody could see their love on the stage too. How Shakespeare and Viola (Romeo and Juliet in the play) are into each other. Their love was deep and true that was showed in the play. All those kisses and love with every line of poetry actually touches your heart.
So all that I want to say is that rather than believing in the story of Romeo and Juliet believe in the power of your own love and make that your inspiration of living and believing in yourself.
This was a love story that taught us the true meaning of love and not the one we see in today’s cinema where they shot each other in love by taking the name of Romeo and Juliet. Thats more of an insult and mock about the feelings of Shakespeare and his writings.