Its 2:03 AM in the morning and there is this sense of fear in my mind thinking about how my life would be in few months. Where will I end up? What will I do? What am I doing now? Why am I wasting my time writing this and not studying? And then there is this pause and then I can imagine my graduation degree in my hand with lots of memories. And thinking about that I feel like enjoying right now, not wasting a minute and collect as many memories as I can. But that’s not possible. Because that’s not practical. And I have to think practical as I am no more a kid now. That’s the rule number one which you have to follow when you enter in the world of adulthood. Its crazy how suddenly you have to think about your future and not about sugar candies anymore, even if you want to. I love sugar candies not just that I love everything that has sugar. It makes you fat, practically speaking but it makes you HAPPY!
It’s terrifying that after a point of time you have to take your own decisions and plan your life and you know what’s even scarier? That this was the life you always wanted when you were a kid. You wanted to be a grown up person and take your own decisions. But standing by your own is not an easy job. I am not even near that and when I try to plan things for my future I see myself sitting on the pot thinking that might help. But Shit! That doesn’t work anymore. Because now that you are on your own even the pot will not help you and all you can expect from it is to take your shit.
Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud and do stuff that I used to do when I was a carefree kid but then the very next moment someone or the other reminds me of my age and asks me to stop acting lame and stupid. But I don’t want to act normal. The kind of normal everybody behaves even if they don’t want to. As an adult you have to be mature. It fascinates you sometimes and it surely teaches you a lot of things but in the end of the day you want to sleep like a baby but now that you have left your childhood behind, you have to sleep with random confusing thoughts or just stay awake all night like me. I am not comparing myself with my parents or that age because I have no idea what they are thinking but what I know is they know what they are doing and what they will do for the rest of their lives. So, you know, this journey will never end. Like it or not.
WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD.
Why do we write? Why don’t we just tell everything to somebody rather than confining your views on a piece of paper or typing it starring on the laptop screen?
Don’t you think it would be better if you could talk to somebody and express and shout out loud about your emotions?
For me, NO! And for all those people who write. When you pen down your thoughts you feel secure. No one can harm you or cause you pain and with this you get to express your emotions in a peaceful manner. And by this security I don’t mean like somebody would try to kill or something but living in such a big world people try to judge you all the time on the way how you think and see things. So the things you don’t want anybody to know but still express it is by writing everything on a piece of paper and then just let it go.
Well you write blogs so that everybody can know how you feel and how you see things as you are passably confident about your thoughts and you don’t really give a damn about what people will think. With blogs you make people force themselves to think that what opinion you have and how you see the same things they see. So here you share your thoughts with the medium of writing.
But what about the writings that are a part of your secret folders or drafts in your blog account? What are they doing there? Well, they certainly have a reason that they are still hidden in your files and folders that nobody knows.
These are the thoughts that made you happy when someone complimented you and gave a smile when you were busy ignoring things around yourself. These piece of papers are the proof that someday you cried because you were trying to make someone understand how you feel but sadly you gave up on them. The moments when you were all alone at home starving with no food of your choice and your mother comes with a bag of donuts and pastries that took you to another world with closed eyes, feeling the taste of chocolate and raspberries while your mother was capturing your face that you didnt noticed at that time. And all those amazing , happy , sad , funny , lovely , adventurous and more, moments and memories that you wanted to keep always near your heart and so you penned them. Not because you want somebody to see but because when you read them again you can remember all those emotions and think about your life then and now.
For me writing is an escape from the real world to the world of memories. Happy or Sad.
Keep Writing! Keep Calm! 🙂
There are times why you just lie down on your couch and try to think. Think what exactly is happening to you. And then you get something inside your head. One word. One thought.
“I am Blank.”
And here you just throw yourself in something and call it depression and agree or not but that is really dangerously fancy word to use here. But yea you think something is wrong with you. You dont know where your life is heading and all you want is some source of inspiration and sometimes music is not the solution. Most of the times it is. Like right now I am listening to my playlist after so long and though i am feeling happy but there is no smile on my face. I dont feel like smiling because songs are not what you need all the time. You need a spark. Not the one afrojack composed instead the real one.
I was thinking about this spark in the shower and there was none. I am so dependent even on my own life that i want something out of it to stay happy. i know that sounds very odd but yes sometimes we need that motivation that helps you to be a better person specially when you don’t have anything to do or you don’t want to.
there are times when I have a ton of work to do but I don’t because i don’t feel like doing it. And this is the problem. This ‘I don’t feel like doing it’ thing is so frustrating. This is not being lazy. Neither I am procrastinating. I am in my certain mode of life that doesn’t want me to get me ass up and do something.
And this is what we call vacations.My type of vacations. When you come back in months, for months away from your friends and stay in your bed all the time. Do nothing means Doing Nothing that means its a job too for you. You don’t go out. No hangouts. No social life. Oh but yes you are all the time active on Facebook, Instagram etc.
I know what’s on everybody’s mind right now that what is wrong with me. I started writing this as if I am so depressed and sad and confused but all I am suffering through is a period of time where people usually enjoy and i write about it.
Happy Summers Guys!