Welcome To Adulthood!

Welcome To Adulthood!

Its 2:03 AM in the morning and there is this sense of fear in my mind thinking about how my life would be in few months. Where will I end up? What will I do? What am I doing now? Why am I wasting my time writing this and not studying? And then there is this pause and then I can imagine my graduation degree in my hand with lots of memories. And thinking about that I feel like enjoying right now, not wasting a minute and collect as many memories as I can. But that’s not possible. Because that’s not practical. And I have to think practical as I am no more a kid now. That’s the rule number one which you have to follow when you enter in the world of adulthood. Its crazy how suddenly you have to think about your future and not about sugar candies anymore, even if you want to. I love sugar candies not just that I love everything that has sugar. It makes you fat, practically speaking but it makes you HAPPY!

It’s terrifying that after a point of time you have to take your own decisions and plan your life and you know what’s even scarier? That this was the life you always wanted when you were a kid. You wanted to be a grown up person and take your own decisions. But standing by your own is not an easy job. I am not even near that and when I try to plan things for my future I see myself sitting on the pot thinking that might help. But Shit! That doesn’t work anymore. Because now that you are on your own even the pot will not help you and all you can expect from it is to take your shit.

Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud and do stuff that I used to do when I was a carefree kid but then the very next moment someone or the other reminds me of my age and asks me to stop acting lame and stupid. But I don’t want to act normal. The kind of normal everybody behaves even if they don’t want to. As an adult you have to be mature. It fascinates you sometimes and it surely teaches you a lot of things but in the end of the day you want to sleep like a baby but now that you have left your childhood behind, you have to sleep with random confusing thoughts or just stay awake all night like me. I am not comparing myself with my parents or that age because I have no idea what they are thinking but what I know is they know what they are doing and what they will do for the rest of their lives. So, you know, this journey will never end. Like it or not.

WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD.

 

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Expect The Unexpected

Expect The Unexpected

Why do we expect? Expect people to be nice with us, expect them to love us and make us feel special. Maybe because we treat them that ways. And as a human being that is pretty obvious that we expect to get what we give to others. And when something like this doesnot happen it breaks our heart.

We love someone assuming it to be unconditional and rational but both the terms cannot actually go together. Conditions are rational and Unconditional love is irrational. But talking about it we preassume that it is unconditional and no matter what you will love them even if you are not loved that much. This is not a one-sided love. We are talking about relationships. Any kind of relationship. We think its unconditional but as the time goes conditions and expectations start coming in between. Maybe you are quiet and ignorant about your feelings and think about just letting it go but somewhere inside your head this thought of not getting the affection you need from then starts bothering you but your ignorant attitude makes you the same person you never wanted to be and never promised to be. you stop showing your feelings. Feeling of love , feeling of joy and excitement and feeling of pain. You stop showing the love you always promised to give them without asking anything in return. It seems very easy to make things work out but actually they just keep on creating little muddles in your life that you want to throw away but you can’t. This continuous thought keeps on piling up and results in frustrations and rapid anger. You do not know how to make things right and how to show your feelings and tell them what all is happening where they are busy in their own world. Though you know they love you too but sometimes you need what you gave in return and you expect and follows you to dissatisfaction.

And talking about expectations and understanding and love in a relationship, it is not so easy to get all. Sometimes you just get it and sometimes you need to talk and tell what you feel. If you need a rational relationship where both are equal on every step then feelings should never be ignored. You yourself are the reason of your frustration. Just let it all go. And feel and listen to what your heart and brain says. Dont ignore any.

All the Best Lovelies. :*
Continue reading “Expect The Unexpected”

LIFE GOES ON!

LIFE GOES ON!

Sometimes you don’t realise that you are growing old or you don’t want to accept the fact that you actually are. Day by day, month by month and year by year you are growing old and try to face the fact that someday you will think about these days that how young and active you were at that time.

These thoughts usually come in my mind when I am alone but today in Beckett’s lecture (Waiting for godot) our professor was trying to connect with us to make us understand the characters of Estragon and Vladimir by giving us the names of very famous British actors which sadly and stupidly we had no clue about. So after watching the blank faces the professor suddenly expressed her feelings about this profession of “TEACHING” that how this profession always makes you feel more young while you are meeting new generations every year and interact with them on their level which makes you feel young and connected to the latest generation and their ideas but on the same time every year one batch graduates and that makes you feel that even you are growing older every year. And this made me smile thinking about how life and time goes hand in hand and how you have to ‘Deal With It’. Though our professor was showing us how sad she feels when she is not able to connect with us with the examples of our interest which makes her feel that she is growing old but actually that’s our fault of interests. We are distracted by so many things that the things that are important and useful are no more interesting for us which actually leads us to disappointment at some point of our lives. We regret our some choices and want to go back to the time and make them right but actually that cannot happen because that’s how Time works and that’s how Life goes on!

For Example, This is my final year and I am trying to attend all my lectures to achieve my goal but then after such lectures like today I regret why I couldn’t attend all my classes from the day One of the college. But now I cant do anything with that I just have to deal with it and try to make everything out of this year. Though I learned a lot in the past years too so there we can say that what happens happens for the good. So you see there are so many things that we learn about life everyday. We hear things about life ,that how it works. How we can control it and how there is no control over anything in our lives as everything happens for a reason and everything has a purpose to happen.

What I think about all these quotes about life is that all of these are an escape to the situations that we don’t want to accept. I mean if something bad happens its involuntary as you didn’t want that to happen, but nobody really thinks that it was a mistake that we made that was the reason of the happening. And when something good happens we take all the credit of controlling our lives in a correct manner. This is a sort of hypocrisy. As in denying sayings according to our situations and  blaming the natural forces for why it happened. It is so hard to accept the facts of our lives like growing old and facing our mistakes and  blaming the fate and destiny if its not according to what we planned.

So I think that I will try to face my mistakes and rather than blaming the ‘natural forces’, take all the blame on myself so that it could motivate myself for the second try. I know it is really easy to say or write in a blog but at least we can give it a try as we know Life goes on like the way it has always been.

Fancies That Never Come True.

Fancies That Never Come True.

There are so many things which want them to happen in your lives. Things that make you smile and give you the real happiness and sometimes you just wish they happen and just wait.

And all your life goes down in that waiting only.

Isn’t this scary? Soooo scary! Thinking that all that you want will never happen and those will be just the incomplete wishes that will never come true and there is nobody who can help you or make them happen. Not a single One!

And these thoughts are always banging in my head telling me that all my wishes will never come true and will turn into a forever WISH! I know this is so sad. I mean why cant we just do what we want to do? Why there are so many things around you which doesn’t even make you happy and just stops you for living your dreams. Watching other people living their lives according to themselves and you staring them with those glittery eyes hoping that someday that will happen what you have always admired for and live with that little hope.

Its not like you are living some depressing life. You too have fun with your friends, sometimes party and dance on your own beats but somewhere inside you are answerable to somebody for your actions. Its like I want to have a drink and then a voice in your head pops and warns you.. “Ohh careful you need to get back home fine.” Well its fine, but sometimes you feel like doing whatever the hell you want to do without giving any explanations to anybody and simply live. Its like in that same situation : I want to have a drink and then that same sound in head pops with a different statement saying..”what? just one? Why? Lets party hard today people.” [STATUTORY WARNING: I am not asking anybody to drink all night and harm yourself in any way]

So you know these are very little examples for what I am trying to say here. The bad thing is that you have a long long life bucket list that probably will never happen. But still you wait. Wish again and dream. That is what positive life is right? You don’t care when will it happen or anything but one day you will go the road alone and sleep under the stars with your beloved.

All of this happen with me.

I keep on adding things in my list that might or might not happen (probably they wont) and just wait till they happen and watch other people living theirs. Maybe they are also dealing with some other kind of thing or live in another environment but They are not aliens right? So yeahh Maybe god has some other boring plans that i have never thought of.

But sometimes you need something good happen in your life that at least keeps up that hope that someday all those wishes will come true. I have been waiting for mine since I was 12. None has happened till now! But still smiling with open arms with that hope in my heart!

LOVE As We Know It!

LOVE As We Know It!

People.

All around you are so selfish. All they care about is their feelings their things, their needs.

Even if they say that they love a person they’ll still think about themselves first. It’s so weird that we are the person who brings out term like unconditional love and selflessness but do they actually exist somewhere?

I don’t think so.  Everyone in this world is so self-centred that they don’t think about the one they love too. And this is a very harsh fact.

Maybe even I am just the same. But when I compare things and situations how one person reacted and on the same situation how the other one and how I did. There is a huge difference. Of course this is what we call change that is inside every person. No one is alike. Each of us is different in every way. Ways like appearance, like likes or dislikes and things like their Nature.

People we love are the one we truly care about but when the choice is between the person we love and ourselves we choose us. Of course that’s human nature we call now a days.

But what is selflessness then? Was that just a term or people really existed who loves in that manner? Is it the era or the time we should blame that there is no such meaning left and love and care also comes with terms and conditions or never such thing actually happened.

It is not just in the terms of romance but in terms of every kind of love and relationship. Are we so ‘alone and happy with it’ that we don’t give a damn about anything around us and just care about what and how that is going affect us?

Sometimes all you need is that selfless love that may or may not exist but you have always admired and wanted. Everybody wants it. But don’t you think that for that even you need to change yourself and love people in your life without that T&C tag over it and just be selfless? I tried that too. I was selfless for some time and I still act like that too but when you don’t get anything like that in return it really hurts. Of course it will. Human nature we call it. But isn’t that’s selfish too? Becoming selfless in love because you expect the same and when you don’t get that you just run away or just break it up. That’s really complicated. I know it. I can feel those complications right now. And I know everybody did at least once in their lives. As a teenager people might think me as an overemotional thinker who tangles her thoughts about feelings and emotions and becoming selfless in love. Maybe they are right but these feelings are really hard to escape. You cannot just run away from all these feelings, at least I couldn’t. And all I realised from this is that definitions like ‘selfless’ and ‘unconditional’ love doesn’t exist in this world.

You love because you need someone who could love you the same way you do. Of course that is one of the kinds of love but not the one people dream about. We live in a practical world where all we need to do is think about ourselves and get what we want. This has been turned into a NEED. You have to be selfish if you want to survive. But all I wish for is to once experience the love and affection that is just for me and without any regulations and love the person in the same way.  AND THIS IS NOT BEING SELFISH! I just want to experience it. And I am not asking to die for me what people think selfless love is. Just love without expecting anything in return.

PS: I am not generalising but interpreting one of the stages of life that might or might not occur in one’s life.

Corralled Hope

tumblr_mhd32uxtLc1qa2txho1_500 She was always kept in a cage 

Not to save her but to save themselves 

not because she roared , but because they thought the world will gash her 

and so they locked her 

locked her dreams, dreams that she always wanted to live 

and what all she dreams for?!

 to roam around the world

  she wanted to jaunt , 

sometimes alone, sometimes with the one she loves,

sometimes with her friends who tease her from the out of that cage standing free.

Nobody noticed.

they heard her cries but never listened

she was capable of everything but her wings were taken a long time ago

she thought, why she is the only one?

but  nobody answered.

 She tried not to dream, but the sleep of her tiring imprisoned life gave her this escape, then how could she not?!

They loved her, feed her, fulfilled all her stupid desires but still she was kept in that corral , 

where she could breathe but for others,

where she could love but with fear,

where she could smile to hide her tears .

such was the inexorable life of that girl,

standing in sunlight with darkness around her.

Wish she could fly in her own way, and this is the dream 

she is still waiting it to come true some day.